When love is Savage

savageloveI will preface this post by saying that I'm a huge fan of Dan Savage. When Adam introduced me to his column Savage Love, I blew through seven years' worth of archived columns in just over three weeks. That said, I have a problem with his idea of GGG partners. According to Savage, all partners should be GGG, or good, giving and game in the bedroom and relationship. It's a great idea, but it implies that men and women come into the relationship after the same cultural experience. That doesn't happen often.

The pressure on women to be yielding and compliant starts at an early age. Textbooks are saturated with the long-ingrained ideas of "female" and "male" leadership, sexuality and communication as fundamentally, inherently different. Women are expected to act in nurturing, caring and kind, and if they react to situations strongly or take charge of their desires, labelled as bitches or whores. Indoctrination often begins with the playground roles that girls and boys play.

It's even easier for men to play the guilt card for women with the backing of a sex and love columnist. When you're already conditioned that the way to love, true love, is to be the beautiful damsel in distress à la Disney, it's easy to believe that you're not (adventurous, worthy, beautiful, knowledgeable) enough.

This entry was written after a series of conversations with a good friend on the subject. Thanks, K.