This Rockwellian Life

Norman Rockwell's most reproduced works depict idyllic American family interactions. Until recently, I was almost convinced that these familiar paintings represented the totality of his talent and subject matter. The Birmingham Museum of Art hosted the Norman Rockwell’s America exhibit from Sep. 16-Jan. 6, and Adam and I made it out on the last day of the exhibit.

Boy, was I wrong. Though some of his works may be the basis for "traditional American values," many of these iconic images also demonstrate the artist's understanding of irony and sense of humor. When Rockwell turned his attention to the national and international rapid political and social change in the 1960s and 70s, his style also shifted. His new detailing techniques and slightly different color palette create a different type of emotional experience for the viewer.

His second portrait of John F. Kennedy stood out to me from the other works of this era. Painted on a dark canvas with reddish undertones, the contrast and outlines that don’t create his suit are done mainly in light shades. Rockwell’s loose brushstrokes and contrasting create a tension that mirrors Kennedy’s troubled expression. The shadowing around and on the subject’s face is deep, making him appear tired and older. This depiction emphasizes the difference between this and Rockwell's previous portrait of JFK.

This style is worlds away from most of the artist’s “Saturday Evening Post” covers. Though those pictures are technically perfect, the evocative use of color in this painting draws a completely different emotional response from the viewer.

To be honest, I would have missed the exhibit entirely if it wasn’t for the museum’s social media presence. The posts about upcoming events, giveaways and community involvement repeatedly piqued my curiosity about Rockwell’s work. Even two days later, the experience is still fresh in my mind.

Our world-class museum has hosted exhibits from very different backgrounds over the past few years. If you missed out on Normal Rockwell’s America, be sure to attend the next visiting exhibit. You never know what you’ll learn from the art until you experience it.

Game on, 2013.

Today has been dedicated to setting living intentions for 2013. After eating breakfast with two friends and Adam, I napped, worked out, listened to good music and prepped dinner for my family. In this fleeting moment alone, I'm sitting down with my blog. 2012 was a devastating and beautiful year. Some major events include finishing my undergraduate degree, loving and being loved more than I thought possible, traveling in Europe for the first time, working an office job and discovering  writing is essential to happiness. This year also brought many new connections through social media and a resurgence in my belief that it can -- I can -- be an agent of change.

In 2013, I plan to devote time and resources to organizations working toward eliminating illiteracy and domestic violence education (more on the latter in a later post). As a lifelong nerd, I was recently struck by an article on e-books I heard on NPR. In it, a publishing industry consultant states that "when everybody has broadband and a device, everybody has access to more reading material than any library has ever offered for free. [We] can see a day when libraries won't be funded to keep the building open." That quote stuck with me, and I've kept mulling over the consequences of such a shift.

When the availability of a library's offerings becomes tied to an e-book reader, it is only actually available to those who can afford to buy one. In the long run, switching over to this system only cuts underprivileged kids off from the escape and learning opportunities that reading provides. Making literacy and self-education proprietary is a terrifying possibility, and I will work to ensure that this change does not happen. If you are interested in getting involved, Carla Jean Whitley gives some great ideas here.

Everything's shiny here, cap'n.

As a slightly obsessive perfectionist and completionist, I still stress out every time I remember that I left Blog Like Crazy unfinished. Though I only missed two days during the bulk of it, I still wrote an entry for every prompt -- except the last one. Since then, I've barely written at all.

It's not the prompt's fault. My response to that is mostly formed (in my head), but the words for it just aren't coming together well. Coupled with the beginning of the holiday rush and finals week, neither my head nor my schedule has had room to deal with it. In tiptoeing around that post, I've cranked out draft after draft of other posts, but their poor quality has left me quiet.

Most of my hesitation to begin blogging again comes from the tension between my professional vision for this blog and all of the topics swirling around that don't fit. Right now, the plan is to explore social media (and possibly tech) use in Birmingham. My list of topics for posts keeps growing, and the potential for the subject is occasionally overwhelming.

With the beginning of a new year so close, I want to rededicate this blog to building relationships with other writers and to making writing a habit. If I keep my focus on this purpose, it will (hopefully) take a natural shape, and I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Title is a quote from Serenity, one of my favorite movies.

Monks, manuscripts and movies (reblogged from Postscript)

Find the original post here. Everyone loves a good book-turned movie … but sometimes novels just shouldn’t make the switch to screen. A longtime lover of both books and movies, Clair McLafferty explores which pages should (and shouldn’t) make it to the silver screen.

For years, I assumed that Walter M. Miller’s A Canticle for Leibowitz was a work of modern philosophy, not science fiction. Once, I even opened a copy to look at the table of contents. Its three parts are titled in Latin, and I became even more suspicious that it was probably something pretentious.

But a month ago, the copy on my boyfriend’s bookshelf got the better of me. Pretentious or no, I was curious. Several hours later, I was halfway through the second section, “Fiat Lux.” The premise and prose had captured my attention.

Most of the story centers on a monastery in post-nuclear Colorado, where the monks collect the remnants of science along with relics of the traditional Catholic God. This quasi-feudal society formed after purges of scientific documents, books and scholars wiped out most of the scientific records of the past 2,000 years.

As a result, the monks only have bits and pieces of the original documents, which include calculus textbooks and engineering diagrams. These manuscripts are copied and recopied, sometimes embellished, and sometimes made into art. They also include some of the theoretical developmental work on the atomic projects, which allow generations of scientists to focus on weaponizing technology instead of searching previous generations’ work for understanding.

Thankfully, the only screen adaptation was the 1993 BBC attempt which only covered the first two sections. With the advances in special effects that have been made since, the tendency might be to focus on creating the landscape and its mutant inhabitants rather than on the purpose of the story. Because the story spans millennia, visual adaptations might sensationalize the differences between the times. This change runs the risk of focusing on the differences among the time periods rather than the similarities in their stories.

Basically, the magic of this book lies in its subtleties. In the rush to sell movie tickets, the beauty of Miller’s world would probably be lost in explosions and hacked dialogue. Stay back, Disney. I will defend this story like its monks defend their scientific knowledge.

Clair McLafferty lives and reads in Birmingham, Alabama. Author photo by Mary Katherine Morris.

Purchase a paperback copy of A Canticle for Leibowitz from Church Street Coffee & Books by clicking the Order Books link on the left of their website. Or pick up a copy at your local independent bookseller.

Things you don't know about me

Alright, stalkers. Today's Blog Like Crazy post is to make a list of interesting facts about yourself. Here are mine:

1. I don't have an all-time favorite album, song or movie, but I can give you a top 10 list for each that will rock your world.

2. Your use of BRB or LOL in face-to-face conversation makes me want to pull my hair out.

3. I drink tea instead of coffee even though I much prefer coffee.

4. Trashy pop music is one of my guilty pleasures.

5. Elf is my favorite movie and is one of the two DVDs I own. When I'm in a bad mood, Adam will sit me down in front of the tv/computer/laptop and put it on. I tear up every freaking time I watch it when Santa flies over the crowd singing Christmas carols.

6. When I was a kid, I would choose fruit or raisins over candy every time. I'm pretty sure that's part of the reason I get headaches if I eat too much sugar.

7. If I'm wearing a lot of blue, yesterday sucked. Light blue makes me happy.

8. Few things irk me more than Highway 280. When the Nordstrom's Rack is completed, I may be more inclined to make the trek, but right now I avoid it outside of my commute as much as I can.

9. Star Wars Episodes 1-3 didn't happen. The franchise did not get sold to Disney and they are not making an Episode 7. This video covers the topic well.

10. I have puppy fever like you wouldn't believe, but am unwilling to adopt or buy a dog before I have the time and resources to be a responsible owner.

Parental control

Parents should let their kids come into their own political views.

Growing up as the child of two educators, I was never told what to think on political matters. I was taught to approach every subject with kindness, love and curiosity, and that my parents would love me no matter where I landed on an issue. If I brought up a political subject in conversation, they would send me to the (shiny new) Internet to research the issue until I could cogently argue both sides. Once I could, they would play devil's advocate to any points I hadn't covered. At the end of this round, I would state my newly formed position on the subject and they would tell me theirs.

It's a lot more work for both the parents and the kids to go through all of these steps, but it can ignite a passionate curiosity about the political system and the issues that now divide it. As kids get older, the tendency is often to adopt the views and practices that are most diametrically opposed to their parents' for the sake of being contrary. The interactive approach can help to strengthen family ties by opening the channels of conversation and giving parents the chance to teach their kids by example.

I can also say that my political views have shifted a little from when I was younger, but they are still deeply rooted in that foundation of love and kindness. I can also say that my parents and I disagree on some issues, but it's been the source of conversation instead of tension in our relationship. It's also taught me how to keep a level(ish) head during the mudslinging of election cycles and focus on the importance of civilized debate. Although our elected leaders might not seem capable of this level of discourse, there is no reason why we should let our homes follow suit.

Letter to my 16-year-old self

Dear 16-year-old self, You are beautiful as you are, and you will get better with age. As you build muscle and your curves fill out, your weight will redistribute itself. Building a personal style will get easier, so dress to your shape.

Your heart may be broken now, but you are not. Over the next few years, you will love more deeply than you think possible. Friends are going to cycle through your life and some will leave it for good. Though it's a cliche, it's a cliche for a reason.

The work you're doing now is worth it. Right now, you're learning how to write and how to write in very short form on social media. You'll make it out of high school before Facebook gets so creepy you can't start over elsewhere. You'll learn how to start over closer to home, and you'll form a community there.

Best of all, it gets better. People share your sense of humor and taste in music. In a couple years, you'll be interviewing the bands you love now. Don't limit yourself to one career possibility and try everything when you have the chance.

It may be self-serving for me to tell you to live long and well, but I'll do it anyways. Love you.

Clair

Knot a big deal

When we were young, friendship bracelets were a colorful marker that we were loved by our peers. They might have been lumpy, imperfectly patterned or weirdly colored, but they were ours. Now we're older and the bracelets are back in style.

I've always been a perfectionist when it comes to gifts. If I'm making my presents, the pattern will be perfectly executed or tweaked until it is. A couple years ago, I started making friendship bracelets again. Some of the harder patterns didn't come out perfectly on the first try, so I would go back and correct the patterns.

What was interesting, though, was that most patterns were made by knotting string. Physically, knots are tied to combine or hold things. Symbolically, they represent endurance and lasting unions. Therefore, each bracelet is an independent representation of the depth and length of the friendship by its very nature.

It's interesting to me that they would become fashionable and available for purchase. Those seem less symbolic of the bonds of friendship and more of a statement piece. That is not to say that store bought pieces of jewelry cannot be important or treasured, but friendship bracelets are about very personal bonds that are strengthened by circumstances that might break other relationships.

Save one, I have kept every bracelet I've been given in my adulthood. It seems that the bracelets are more meaningful when they're for/from people you choose to be around. They are absolutely unique, just like my friends, and I treasure them accordingly.

Post inspired by an old friend giving me a bracelet she'd made when I saw her for the first time in a coffee shop today.

Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?

Yesterday I wrote mainly about what music has inspired me to consider. Today this blog gets the same type of consideration.

Write, Clair. Write! is not just a journal of my personal thoughts and experiences. It is the record of a passionately curious woman exploring social media's connectivity and her city. It is a place where being young, discovering new things and committing to live like a feminist should is accepted.

Write, Clair. Write! is a love note to the diverse and exceptional communities I call home and the men and women who make my life possible. Writing here is an outlet and a meditation on the subjects at hand. Words are the most powerful salves or weapons individuals can use, and I will use mine to do good.

Write, Clair. Write! is a journey of understanding about the world and people who surround me and the things that make them beautiful. We're all flawed, but true beauty is forged and strengthened through situations that build scar tissue. It is about exploring the depths of my beliefs and figuring out where I want to be in a few years. It is part of what I do for fun.

Title blatantly stolen from Gauguin's painting (pictured).

Break the spell of the typical

Yesterday, I got caught up in the bustle of the office, tutoring and cooking and didn't write. Once I realized I wouldn't have time for creative thought, I got angry. I resented the spinach, the missing ginger, the bowl -- the anger wasn't about dinner, but it was hard to wrestle myself away from the train of thought. Falling into a routine is easy for me when it comes to working and eating. Emotions, exercise and writing practices are harder to maintain even though they can overlap.

Last year, I was prepping for my first interview with Darren King from MUTEMATH when I came across the video for "Typical," a single from their first album. Filmed backwards, the energy and passion that came through in the video was electrifying. My roommate walked in. "Why are you watching a MUTEMATH video?" "Oh, you know who they are? I've got an interview with Darryl? Darren? tomorrow." A lot of yelling followed ("You're doing WHAT?! With Darren?! Darren KING?").

Turns out that MUTEMATH is her favorite band. When she asked someone if he had any questions for Darren, his response was "Can you break the spell of the typical?"

As much as we still joke about that question, it's not easily answerable. Letting routines become typical means that process changes from something you do to something you are. That transition makes it more difficult to change your behavior to work past the negative bits because once it becomes typical, you're living it.

Recently, I've had some serious slip ups in mindfulness. Like last night's kitchen freak out, they've been triggered by realizations of the time constraints in my life. With my tutees' finals coming up, I'm going to plan out how to keep my good habits going so I don't start regularly turning into a giant green rage monster.

As the song goes, "Cause I know there's /Got to be another level /Somewhere closer to the other side /And I'm feeling like it's now or never. /Can I break the spell of the typical?" It's possible that, even if you try to change, something that is typical to you leaves an indelible mark on your person. I choose not to believe that, and will instead do something every day to change my routine.

Though I may not rip up keytars or get covered in paint to break up my day like MUTEMATH does in the video, I still have the power to practice happiness and kindness. I choose that.

Title from MUTEMATH's "Typical." There's also a video from Jimmy Kimmel Live of them performing the song backwards. IN ONE TAKE. The sound is pretty crazy because it's backwards, but it's really freakin' cool to watch. 

I dream of brunch time

Sunday brunch is one of my favorite meals of the week. I ate with my parents every week for a long time, but for the last year, it's been the one meal Adam and I share where there is only a cursory time limit. Brunch is a great option for people who work outside of the city because it offers lunchtime prices for some variations on restaurants' signature dishes. It also allows chefs room to play with ingredients they might not use in lunch or dinner courses.

The first place Adam and I had brunch together was Ore. I was lured out by the promise of delicious chicken and waffles and was not disappointed. Since then, the inside of the restaurant has been redecorated with chalk, flags and signs and reopened as Saw's Juke Joint. The space now has a grittier feel to match its cuisine and new music venue status. Opened as the third part of the Saw's brand, the no-frills approach to plating does not detract from the quality of the food. Instead, your focus is shifted to the food.

Almost half of my green eggs and ham was packed away in my stomach before the spice in the jalapeno Hollandaise built up. The yolk of the perfectly cooked egg mixed with the sauce, and the ham and biscuit tempered the peppery heat well. When I handed the rest over to Adam, I wished -- and still do -- that I had taken more time to savor it. His shrimp and grits was covered with rich sausage gravy. The gravy and cheese grits blended into a rich bed for the generous helping of shrimp on the plate. I was full long before the plate was empty, and will be going back soon to try more of the brunch menu.

Lighting a fire

If I had my way, I'd tutor and freelance to make my living. Both are fulfilling and each is a type of non-traditional education. As of now, I usually pitch math and learning to my students during our first session. Usually, the response is silence and nodding, but the kids come back and work. Now, many of them only need support and encouragement to see how to work through problems. Yep, I'm proud.

Have I told you what I think of education? So many teachers present their material as being proprietary knowledge. As a student, that approach can make subject seem like it's completely out of reach. I'm here to tell you that this stuff isn't locked in a box. You can understand it. It is within your reach. I'm going to push you to learn. You can do it. You can. Shall we begin?

Title from a quote: "Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." It is often misattributed to William Butler Yeats.

Man, I feel like a woman

Last July, one of my friends linked to this article from The Rumpus about the power of female friendship. After reading it, I sent it to those in my circle who might not have seen it otherwise. Then I sat quietly at my desk with a few tears sneaking out while I stared at a point somewhere behind my monitor. My mind kept circling back to Emily Rapp's description of her realization "how much people diminish and poo-poo the real power and strength of female friendship, especially between women, which is either supposed to descend into some kind of male lesbian love scene porn fantasy or be dismissed as meaningless or be re-written as a story of competition. Here’s the truth: friendships between women are often the deepest and most profound love stories, but they are often discussed as if they are ancillary, “bonus” relationships to the truly important ones."

Even now, this excerpt stops me cold. Growing up, my mom's best friend was like a second mother to me. She taught me how to knit when I was four while her sons were watching "Babes In Toyland" (it's creepy). For the first few years after we moved to Alabama, her house still felt more like home than ours. It was only after reading that article that I truly began to appreciate the scope and scale of the love in their relationship and that which was present in my own life.

A few years ago, I sat with a friend and knitted as she stared into the rosemary bushes in front of her porch. We didn't talk because we didn't need to. As another friend says, "That's what friends do. They sit."

They sit through heart breaks, painful anniversaries, new beginnings, medical diagnoses, grief and anger. They have a beer waiting and introduce you to Cake Wrecks and Hyperbole And A Half on weeks when you invite yourself over because you're about to explode. They laugh and cry with you and call you when they need support. They're family.

Being a woman (or a compassionate human being of any gender) in this society is not easy, but it can be beautiful. Today, women take advantage of opportunities their mothers and grandmothers fought for, even though they have to fight to keep the position once they're there.

We still have a long way to go as a culture. I am amazed that reporters will still seriously ask a female politician about her clothing or a mother about her daughter's fashion sensabilities. It frightens me sometimes that men have so much control over the political process -- with the number of issues that specifically affect women, it just doesn't seem right. I can say, though, that I look forward to seeing and contributing to moving the conversation forward.

Love me like a rock

According to Merriam-Webster, the term "nuclear family" was coined first in 1947. Because of its Cold War origins, the phrase has several layers of meaning. In an atom, the nucleus is tightly packed and contains only two types of particles, which might be considered analogous to the expected male and female roles within the family.

In a solid, the atoms are rigidly structured, much like suburbia in the 1940s (and today). However, outside of the nucleus, the electrons are most likely moving in a certain area most of the time. Young, newly formed families were moving far away from their kin, much like the particle movement in an atom.

The other layer is the explosive potential demonstrated by the atomic bomb only two years before the term was coined. Here, energy is generated by a particle hitting the nucleus of an atom, which induces a change in the nucleus. More on that here. During the 1960s and 70s, social movements started challenging this newly minted convention.

Returning Vietnam veterans and war protesters deepened the generational divide, women's rights became a visible issue and the Cold War dragged on. All of these factors were like particles rushing towards a nucleus to bust it open. With all these changes, typical family structures became, well, not so typical. Thus, the post-modern family was born.

Nowadays, some believe that non-nuclear families provide unsuitable environments for childhood development. I find this generalization simplistic. It assumes both that the entire concept of home is rooted in the Rockwellian vision of the nuclear family and that the households that don't fit into this vision do not -- could not -- provide the same things. Granted, there are some parents who cannot, either by choice or circumstance, but many of my beautiful friends grew up in single parent households or are raising children as single parents. They work harder and sleep less than any other group of individuals I know, and they do it all for their kids.

There's also another component to family that hasn't even been mentioned. To quote Eustache Deschamp, "friends are the relatives you make for yourself." Both my blood relatives and friends are beautiful, messy and imperfect and have taught me that love and home come in different shapes and forms. They have supported me while I learned the difference between love that inspires growth and love that burns away the edges of what you love about yourself. They have comforted me and helped me build back the singed parts with a stronger foundation. Love is everything.

Today's title comes from Paul Simon's "Love Me Like A Rock." When my family went on car trips, my dad would spend hours beforehand making mix tapes for different parts of the drive. Because all of us knew all of the lyrics to most of Paul Simon's songs, either a song or an album usually cycled through the mix during the trip.

Full disclosure: the first part of this post was adapted from an essay on the role of "Sesame Street" as a (seriously) post-modern family structure.

Outlining wet sidewalks in halogen

I visited Naked Art's new location for the first time earlier this year on a rainy February night. The gallery was open late for Microlove, their annual pre-Valentines Day show of local artists' smaller works. That night, Adam and I spent more than an hour wandering the brightly colored hallways, sipping sangria, visiting with friends and befriending strangers.

Since that night, I've become a regular at their openings and special events. I've introduced several others to the monthly Third Friday in Forest Park and Avondale since then and taken them to visit this gallery and the beer, produce, wine tasting, boutiques and barbecue in the neighborhood.

With so many local venues participating, the featured sales and specials offer something for almost everyone. If you're new to Birmingham or are a long-time resident, going to Third Friday is a great way to connect with a new and different crowd of people, to discover new parts of your community and support local businesses.

Today's title comes from Passion Pit's "Little Secrets."

All right, meow.

It feels a little silly to condense my current activities into a list while I'm surrounded by other lists that I've made. Somewhere in my red notebook, there's even a list of lists that I need to make or check off. Compulsive list making aside, what follows is a partial list of what I've been up to recently.

Watching: I don't have cable, and up until two months ago, didn't even have rabbit ears for the TV. Most of my television is streamed from Netflix or network websites. Currently, I'm stalled out in the most recent season of "Supernatural" after getting overwhelmed with the volume of commercials on Hulu. Aside from the occasional episode of "No Reservations" or "The Daily Show," I pretty much tune out everything to play on Pinterest.

Listening to: NPR has long dominated my driving time, and still fills most of my commute. Musically, I've been a little stuck on Young The Giant's eponymous album and The Strokes' "Is This It." An odd combo to be sure, but these two bands remind me of a couple of my favorite people.

Reading: I keep picking up "I Am Not A Serial Killer" by Dan Wells, but I just haven't found the time to sit down with it. Wells' debut novel is narrated by John Cleaver, a 15-year-old boy who is obsessed with serial killers. The deceptively simple prose underscores the tension between the boy's understanding of life and the events happening around him. That said, I'm only about 40 pages in. I keep getting distracted by new and exciting blogs I've discovered through Blog Like Crazy.

Planning: I already have a few pages' worth of resolutions for 2013 scribbled in my notebook. Writing more for fun and freelance is at the top of each. Money-wise, I've outlined a budget using the free LearnVest app and website. In my opinion, it's a more user-friendly service than Mint.

Thinking about: After Blog Like Crazy ends, I'd really like to drill down into social media, writing and combinations of the two.

Making me happy: Blog Like Crazy has been a rare opportunity for me to connect with other writers who both inspire me and demonstrate that I have no valid excuses for neglecting my writing. The feedback that I've gotten so far has been incredibly encouraging. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to continue with the same energy and purpose when I'm not writing from prompts.

Title comes from the Cat Game scene in "Super Troopers."

Others have excuses, I have my reasons why.

There are many reasons why I write, and just as many for going almost a year without writing. With school, tutoring and building a new relationship, I ran out of time. Fun and freelancing (paid fun) just weren't priorities.

Then I met Javacia Harris Bowser. As an English teacher at ASFA, founder of See Jane Write and freelancer, she maintains a busier work schedule than I do. During our first (in-person) conversation, she mentioned, among other things, Blog Like Crazy. Since I didn't have a blog, I could sit on the sidelines and cheer the other Janes on, right?

Wrong. After three days of seeing women writers with careers, kids and goals take to the challenge, my remaining excuses for not writing vanished. I asked for help with my blog, and within a week, it was live.

The months of not writing took their toll. My first post took several hours of writing, editing and tweaking before it was passable. The second came together after some struggling, but it was stronger. By the fourth, writing no longer felt like swimming through molasses.

Now, I write to keep my voice. I write to honor my heroes and family and friends. I write to carve out a space in this world that is mine, and I write to try to capture what makes Birmingham special. I write because I don't feel obligated, and I write now so that I may write more in the future. I write because I love the process of finding the words, searching for better ones and seeing the finished product.

I may not yet know why I'll write tomorrow, but I've found that every day adds another reason to my list of reasons why.

Title from Nickel Creek's "Reasons Why."

Time out for mindfulness

With work and tutoring, writing and gift-making, all of my time between now and the holidays is already budgeted. Somewhere in there, I have to take some time to keep my mind clear so I can stay focused on my own goals and supportive of Adam's. Therefore, my four small goals are centered around mindfulness:

1. Work out three times a week or more. I may not be participating in my gym's holiday motivator because I don't need more t-shirts, but I do need to make sure my body and brain are in shape to get through.

2. Read The Three Pillars of Zen. Touted as the American guide to zen Buddhism, this book will be a useful resource in learning to consciously practice mindfulness and happiness.

3. Cook more. Sourcing my food and drinks locally when possible allows me to be a better steward of my resources. Supporting local farmers and business owners helps build the Birmingham scene and help the economy.

4. Pare down my belongings. The less you own, the less you have to clean. I would like to get rid of one more box of stuff by the end of the year. The big, exciting Christmas gift I've asked for this year is a vacuum cleaner. It'll cut the time required for cleaning sprees and the amount of dust left in my house. Thrilling, I know.

Should I trust this dialect to convey the right effect?

When I was young, I didn't have athletes as heroes, I had writers and journalists and scientists and explorers. NPR figures into some of my earliest memories, and I've grown into an NPR addict. Journalism was presented as the last bastion of impartiality--minus the 24-hour news cycle. That's why I, like my friend and sometimes editor Carla Jean Whitley, keep politics and religion out of my writing. It is not my business to define others' beliefs.

Through my writing, I can leave a record of the people and stories in my life. To my loved ones, I promise not to post too many embarrassing stories. I would like to leave a legacy of love, not embarrassment.

Through my writing, I hope to teach love and patience in dealing with difficult situations. I have learned from the best, and I will not covet that knowledge. If one person slows to consider their actions, I have left a legacy I can be proud of.

Title from Hellogoodbye's "Dear Jamie, Sincerely Me."

Teaching learning

As a tutor and educator of sorts, I get to see what kind of legacy I would leave if I was in the classroom. Right now, I do a lot of work with kids who come into high school with little or no foundational knowledge. Many of them have been taught that the only paths to knowledge are guarded by teachers, and are otherwise inaccessible. Yeats put best when he said "Education is not the filling of pail, but the lighting of a fire."

Because I'm not a teacher, my legacy will not be defined by the number of kids who start loving a subject after my class. Instead, I hope to be remembered as having provided a safe place for my kids to learn how to study through their own trial and error. Though it may be bad for business, my ultimate goal is for my kids to learn to study without needing my help.

When I was in high school, several of my teachers' classrooms were safe havens. I was more shy then, and their care and compassion shaped my idea of what education should be. I have had more than a few sessions of tutoring that were as much a conversations about life as they were educational. If I had had someone five to 10 years older as a confidant at that age, I might have behaved differently.

Over the next few years, I hope to be in a classroom as a teacher. I hope to pass along the love of learning that was taught to me. I hope to see them grow and learn and I hope for them to come back and visit.

My tutoring kids and their families have taught me a lot about kindness and welcoming in strangers so for now, I'll continue to focus on leaving my mark on the kids I work with.